Student, Practitioner, and Teacher: Reflections on Humility
Shared as a Dharma Talk with Triangle Insight Meditation Community on Wednesday, February 17, 2021
Before I dive into the content of tonight’s talk, I’d like to share a few words about how this talk evolved. While I’ve been living and working at Southern Dharma I have been working closely with my teacher Eve Decker, steeping in the joys of being a student, of being guided. At the same time, I’ve been living at a retreat center and steeping deep in my practice, in being a daily committed Dharma practitioner. And also in my healing, working with the trauma stored in my body, something I’ve come to include as part of, or even one and the same as, spiritual practice. Finally I’ve also continued teaching Sati School with the Mindful families of Durham throughout the pandemic, and have recently been working on creating some new teen Buddhist programming. And so I’ve continued to step into the role of teacher with these young folks.
So I’ve been moving between these roles of student, practitioner, and teacher. And just recently I recalled something that my first ever spiritual advisor, Harrison Blum, once told me: that all of us are always moving between these 3 roles - student, practitioner, and teacher.
So, I continued reflecting on this topic, playing around with it, and humility began to emerge as a common thread of skillful means for interacting with each of these roles and their unique challenges. And so tonight I will discuss humility through the lens of the student, practitioner, and teacher of spiritual practice. After defining humility, I’ll move through each role, offer some suggested definitions, and then reflections that include the joys, challenges, and skillful means of approaching these roles, and how stepping into these different positions can lead us to a deeper experience of humility and thus the spiritual path. Of course you can have your own ways of defining and relating these roles in the context of your own experience and practice, I’ll just be offering my own interpretation.
“I’ve been relating to humility as practicing refraining from, or stepping out of, the ego’s back and forth movement between cockiness and shame, which necessarily can only arise from a comparing mind.”
So, diving right in, firstly, what is humility? I’ve gathered a few definitions we can play with tonight:
The first comes from Rick Hanson in Buddha’s Brain. He says “Being humble means being natural and unassuming, not being a doormat, ashamed, or inferior. It just means you’re not setting your self above others. Humility feels peaceful. You don’t have to work at impressing people, and no one is at odds with you for being pretentious or judgmental” (217).
A second approach to humility comes from Matthieu Ricard in his article The Virtues of Humility: “A humble person has nothing to lose or to gain. If she is praised, she thinks it’s for what she has been able to accomplish, not for herself as an individual. If she is criticized, she thinks that bringing her faults out into the open is the best service anyone could do her…Free from hope and fear, the humble person remains carefree and without affectation. Paradoxically, humility also favors strength of character: the humble person makes decisions according to what she thinks is fair and holds to them, without worrying either about her image or about what people will say about her.”
And a third from a Thanissaro Bikkhu Dharma talk. He describes humility as “a willingness to learn from the little things, no matter where they show themselves. Humility requires being attentive, watchful, not assuming that you already know, that you're already good, realizing that there's always room for improvement. You have to delight in that fact, to delight in actually making the improvements, letting go of the unskillful qualities in the mind, developing the skillful ones.” (https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/meditations2.html#humility)
And lastly and perhaps my favorite definition, in The Spirituality of Imperfection, Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham write that “to be humble is not to make comparisons. Secure in its reality, the self is neither better nor worse, bigger nor smaller, than anything else in the universe. It is-is nothing, yet at the same time one with everything’ (187).
So there it is. I’ve been relating to humility as practicing refraining from, or stepping out of, the ego’s back and forth movement between cockiness and shame, which necessarily can only arise from a comparing mind. I’ll go into that more in a bit. For now I’ll just add that I feel an embodied sense of humility through prostration and other bowing practices, gratitude practice, and making contact with the Earth.
I know I also found myself asking, do the suttas mention humility? In my research I did not find many direct references to humility, but I did find it named in the Mangala Sutta, humility or nivato in Pali (“without air”) is named as one of the 38 blessings, or highest protections, of life.
Additionally, in Mahayana Buddhism the Maha Karuna Dharani Sutta - Great Compassion Mantra of Avalokiteshvara (also known as Quan Yin) humility is mentioned as one of the qualities of the heart cultivated by reciting the mantra “Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva said: “It is the great merciful and compassionate heart, the impartial heart, the motionless heart, the unpolluted and unattached heart, the emptiness-observing heart, the respectful heart, the humble heart, the uncluttered heart, the non-view and non-grasping heart, and the uppermost Bodhi-Heart. You should know that such hearts are the feature and characteristics of this Dharani, you should practice according to them.”” (https://buddhaweekly.com/great-compassion-mantra-purification-healing-protection-maha-karuna-dharani-sutra-benefiting-beings/).
Student
Okay, so, humility. Great. Now, what about that student, practitioner, teacher rotation? Let’s begin with the student. What is a student?
For the sake of time and simplicity tonight I’m not going to define and examine this question “what is a student?” based on the Suttas and other texts. Instead, for this talk let us think of student with a modern definition; let’s say, one who is studying, learning, receiving teachings and opportunities for growth from the guidance of others.
“I’ve found that one obstacle that arises repeatedly for myself as a student is my cultural conditioning, and thus core beliefs around, competition and a sense of scarcity. ”
I’ve observed many joys of stepping into the role of student: the feelings of being taken care of, guided, led, able to surrender to those taking on a guiding or teaching role. And then of course the joy of Shoshin or “beginner’s mind’ in Zen Buddhism - that feeling of open, earnest, eagerness, maybe even excitement, to learn and soak in all the new insights.
And then of course like every aspect of Samsaric existence there are also unique challenges to occupying the position of ‘student’. I’ve found that one obstacle that arises repeatedly for myself as a student is my cultural conditioning, and thus core beliefs around, competition and a sense of scarcity. Being raised in a hierarchical capitalist culture that operates based on dominance, oppression, competition, and scarcity it is all too easy for the comparing mind to arise and apply such conditioning to one’s learning. In Daring Greatly Brene Brown writes “Scarcity is the ‘never enough’ problem. The word scarce is from the Old Norman French scars, meaning ‘restricted in quantity’. Scarcity thrives in a culture where everyone is hyperaware of lack. Everything from safety and love to money and resources feels restricted or lacking” (Brown 26). So as a spiritual student, I’ve found that this conditioning manifests for me as a belief that there’s only so much wisdom to go around, or if my peers are learner better or faster than me, I’m gonna miss out! I’m not gonna make it. I’ll be left behind. I have to learn better than the others.
And then from THOSE core beliefs (about competition and scarcity), it is easy to tumble into feeling-states of intimidation, or even powerlessness. Christina Feldman writes in her book Woman Awake, “Objects, authorities, models, parents, and situations we encounter can exert a power over us that is considerable and, at times, frightening. In the face of negative feedback from others, we can find ourselves doubting our roles, directions, and achievements and revert to the child within, who needs approval and affirmation above all else, including inner respect” (Feldman 78) She goes on to write “We must learn to question the messages of our culture, which insist that power lies only outside ourselves, in authorities and hierarchical structures, or we will learn to disbelieve in our own power and suffer a paralysis of personal effectiveness” (Feldman 79)
“When we divest from the comparing mind, we can settle on the isness - of the self, of our peer-learners, our teachers, and the natural world. We can begin to touch into the spacious awareness of the Truth that that comparing mind, that conditioned competitive mind, is actually just a dualistic pattern-making mechanism, a useful but also deceptive adaptation of our mammalian neural networks that constantly try to measure up ourselves and the world around us. This comparing mind can keep us safe at times, and also it limit us, or keeps us trapped in doubt, self-consciousness, or on the flip side, sometimes arrogance. ”
But of course, you know what’s coming, I am finding that humility is a profound medicine and skillful means for engaging with this obstacle.
As Thanissaro Bikkhu described, by practicing humility we can learn to delight in the learning process, in being open to the many lessons offered to us by the multitude of kind beings and situations that are occupying the roles of our teachers.
Coming back to Christina Feldman, she says “We need to know humility, the humility not of subservience but of openness, if we are to survive being assailed by the doubts of others or of self-doubt” (Feldman 114).
So my next question is how? How can we lean into humility, into openness amidst doubt, perhaps critical feedback, and the helpless feelings that are at times associated with being a student?
I think once again we can return to Kurtz and Ketham’s quote from the Spirituality of Imperfection, that “to be humble is not to make comparisons”. When we divest from the comparing mind, we can settle on the isness - of the self, of our peer-learners, our teachers, and the natural world. We can begin to touch into the spacious awareness of the Truth that that comparing mind, that conditioned competitive mind, is actually just a dualistic pattern-making mechanism, a useful but also deceptive adaptation of our mammalian neural networks that constantly try to measure up ourselves and the world around us. This comparing mind can keep us safe at times, and also it limit us, or keeps us trapped in doubt, self-consciousness, or on the flip side, sometimes arrogance.
Humility practice while inhabiting the (impermanent) role of student can thus take the form of awareness of our experience, contemplating our core beliefs and conditioning, examining and practicing letting go of the comparing mind, while leaning into any openness or delight we might feel as we reflect on joyous learning before us.
Practitioner
Moving right along to the role of practitioner. How should we think about this position? Perhaps we can approach this role simply as one who is regularly engaged in committed spiritual practice. For many this might look like meditating, for others it might be chanting, bowing, healing work, nature-based practice, or living the teachings in daily life.
I will again share some words from Christina Feldman for an established teacher’s perspective on practice. She says, “The practice of spirituality and of meditation is, in a very real sense, learning to empower ourselves, but in radically different ways than we have previously experienced...It is learning to trust in our own capacity for change and transformation through reclaiming our own power to direct and create the quality of our lives and being. It is power that is rooted in inner wisdom and sensitivity…”
And she goes on to say that “Meditation begins simply by being with oneself without the authority of anyone or anything to dictate what or how we should be.” (Feldman 96)
Ah yes, thank you Christina-ji. I think most of us have experienced some of the joys of being in the practitioner role, as a community of practitioners who come together weekly to enjoy practice together. One that comes to mind for me is the sense of connection with source, with my true nature, with buddhanature, as well as the sense of a growing and deeply reliable wisdom within.
“...I’m seeing that if I take a wider perspective that examines the Truth of how the hindrances arise and interact with the mind when practicing, it is a deeply humbling experience that can lead us to a...deeper realization that hindrances are components of Samsaric existence. And something that all of us face. From that very humbled place I’m finding a clearer understanding and acceptance of the hindrances, which creates spaciousness to interact with them more skillfully as they arise in practice. ”
And what is challenging about being a practitioner? Well, we have a shorthand for that in Buddhism. It’s called the 5 hindrances! Well, these are described as obstacles for concentration practice as least. But I think they apply in many practice contexts. So for a quick reminder:
The 5 Hindrances to Practice
Sensory Desire (kamacchanda) (Sneezy)
Ill Will (vyapada) (Grumpy)
Sloth-and-torpor (thina-middha) (Sleepy)
Restlessness-and-worry (uddhacca-kukkacca) (Bashful)
Doubt (vicikiccha) (Doc)
(I find I wrestle up a bit more befriending energy towards the hindrances when I think of them as some of the 7 dwarves from Snow White, despite its slightly problematic ableism…)
I will add to this list of challenges to being a practitioner is the healing path: finding, locating trauma stored in the body, and finding how to heal, release, or integrate that pain.
So, how does humility fit into being a practitioner and these unique challenges we face when we are occupying this role?
With regards to humility in the face of the hindrances, I have by no means come to the conclusion that the solution or practice to counteract each hindrance is always humility. Definitely not. There are unique counteracting mental factors for each of them.
But I’m seeing that if I take a wider perspective that examines the Truth of how the hindrances arise and interact with the mind when practicing, it is a deeply humbling experience that can lead us to a deeper understanding of that Truth, as well as a commonality amongst all of us here in the realm of Samsara, a deeper realization that hindrances are components of Samsaric existence. And something that all of us face. From that very humbled place I’m finding a clearer understanding and acceptance of the hindrances, which creates spaciousness to interact with them more skillfully as they arise in practice.
With regards to the healing component of practice, I have begun to tap into humility with regards to the body. As our vessel and physical form, the body over time becomes a map of all that our consciousness has witnessed in this lifetime. Those experiences that were overwhelming or warranting a trauma response stay with the body until a time when they can be safely released or integrated. In coming to know this Truth I can only bow to the body. This mind must humble itself towards the wisdom and knowing of the body. It cannot be fixed through cognition, concentration, will, or skill. Because actually it does not need “fixing” at all; it knows what’s up. And so the mind is humbled.
Thus, in this role of practitioner, I am finding that I must bow humbly, to the sacredness of the process, to the presence, to the experience of the hindrances, to the body, to the pain. Through that humble bow I relinquish control.
Teacher
And now lastly let’s briefly touch upon the role of teacher. I think “teaching” in our modern Dharma world can be a bit confusing. Is someone a teacher only if they have individual dharma students they meet with? If they guide retreats? Is someone a teacher if they offer a Dharma talk a few times a year? What about a being who enters in and acts as the catalyst for immense growth and realization for another? Is that a teacher?
“...Stepping into the role of teacher is an immense gift and blessing in that it creates a container to consolidate and organize my own understanding of all that I’ve been learning in the role of student and practicing in the role of practitioner. In a way it’s a completion of that cycle.”
To touch on that question I’ll offer a quote from Radical Dharma, specifically Lama Rod: “I have come to think of the way I show up as a dharma teacher as an expression of radical presence. Radical presence is being in the world, taking up space, and loving myself without apology. As a dharma teacher, radical presence means that I am allowing dharma to manifest through me as I am situated in my particular intersectionality...” (187)
So I’ll leave that open for now. Relate to and define the role of teacher as you will. I’ll name that for me I’ll be speaking about stepping into the role of teacher when I teach children’s Sati School, and when I put together these Dharma talks.
First, the joys. I know for me, stepping into the role of teacher is an immense gift and blessing in that it creates a container to consolidate and organize my own understanding of all that I’ve been learning in the role of student and practicing in the role of practitioner. In a way it’s a completion of that cycle. I’ve also found it can feel encouraging simply to feel like I have something to offer, a purpose, a place in a community, and a bit of my understanding and experience that just maybe could be useful to someone else. Indeed reflecting on even the possibility that the wisdom of my teachers might be able express through my own radical presence is such a nourishing and joyous experience.
“May the teachings come through me. May I find the resources and skillfulness to clear my vessel, my channel, my ego, my form to make the space for the Dharma to come through. ”
And what might be challenging about this role? Or maybe I should ask what is not challenging about stepping into the teaching role? I notice at least for myself that once again, that comparing mind comes in strong whenever I occupy the teacher role for a bit. The flavor here though is experienced in the form of vacillation between not just cockiness and self-doubt, but full-on imposter syndrome. Who am I to be offering anything?
And once again, to that deeply conditioned self-doubt, or to its equal and opposite reaction of puffed-up sense of somehow knowing something that others do not, I think the answer is humility. Bringing humility to the teaching role. And what might that look like?
Lama Rod once again: “In my tradition, it is customary to recite a lineage prayer before offering a teaching. The lineage prayer connects us to the blessings of the great masters who have come before us and reminds us that we are a vessel transmitting the precious and sacred teachings that have been passed down in an unbroken line since the historical Buddha…”
May the teachings come through me. May I find the resources and skillfulness to clear my vessel, my channel, my ego, my form to make the space for the Dharma to come through.
And I’ll close with a final short story from the Spirituality of imperfection: “A man went to Wahab Imri and said: ‘Teach me humility.’ Wahab answered: ‘I cannot do that, because humility is a teacher of itself. It is learnt by means of its practice. If you cannot practice it, you cannot learn it.’ (185)
So, even when we are occupying the role of teacher, let us be students of humility.
References
Rick Hanson, Buddha’s Brain, pg 217
Matthieu Ricard, The Virtues of Humility
Thanissaro Bikkhu, Dharma Talk (https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/meditations2.html#humility)
Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham, The Spirituality of Imperfection, whole book
Mangala Sutta
Maha Karuna Dharani Sutta - Great Compassion Mantra of Avalokiteshvara (https://buddhaweekly.com/great-compassion-mantra-purification-healing-protection-maha-karuna-dharani-sutra-benefiting-beings/)
Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, pg 26
Christina Feldman, Woman Awake, whole book
Lama Rod Owens, Jasmine Syedullah, angel Kyodo Williams, Radical Dharma, pg 187